With a little more than six hours to go before surgery, strange thoughts keep popping up.
Have I seen his last seizure, ever? I don't want to count any chickens early but Spike usually goes seizure free between 9 AM and noon. Last ever, of course, makes the huge assumption of surgical success.
Surgical residents just stopped by and Spike gave them a good luck seizure so I guess he's not quite done.
Is all this really necessary? He went nearly nine hours last night without a seizure. Watching him all night, I wondered if maybe he was all done. After all, last March he went from life threatening to zero seizures in the space of 24 hours. Should we really crack his noggin when he might be all right? Then he fires off ten in a row at 4 AM.
Does this new medicine work well enough? I have been aggressive in giving him his "rescue medication" the last couple of days. Sometimes it seems to work, other times it doesn't. "Works" means that he only has three or four more seizures after receiving the medicine before a cluster stops. I guess that's not what most people consider to be seizure control.
Is he worried? He won't talk about the operation and won't talk to the doctors much at all anymore. What's going on in (the normally functioning sector of) his brain? He seems calm - well, emotionally calm anyway. He's acting just like a normal little kid. Of course, a fifth of his life has been spent this way with aggressive medical treatment and testing. Maybe this is normal to him.
Have I done absolutely everything I can for him? There's just no answer to that, the toughest of all questions.